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This week’s episode of Tool Academy 3 gets super meta. The Tools break down the fourth wall, then the fifth, then have a protein shake and punch out the sixth.
The Tools and Toolettes must learn about modesty this week. Trina does a little bit of art therapy with the Tools to start things off. She has the Tools draw how they see themselves, and then has their partners draw how they see their Tools.
I thought Daniel’s only skill was glow-sticking. But his drawing skills are surprisingly above average. For example, his haircut in real life is exactly how he pictured it, no more or less ridiculous. He must look in the mirror every morning and silently mouth: “Nailed it.”
Here is Jacob’s self-portrait. He’s in a tanning bed, lifting weights, and drinking ‘protein baby.’ His portrait is tiny on the canvas, symbolizing how “small” he feels inside. But there’s something a little…exaggerated about how little he’s exaggerated his self image. Trina asks him if he’s just giving her what he thinks she wants to hear. And he says, “Yes.” So I think “No,” because he’s a pretty bad liar.
Christie’s portrait of him is surprisingly similar, right down to the features and floating protein source. How did they not win the first week’s communication challenge? They’ll have Tool Academy’s psychic challenge in the bag.
Courtney’s self-portrait reveals her insecurities about her big hips and weight. I wonder if including her Smet T-shirt is also part of her negative self image. It begs the question: which came first, the Christian Audigier, or the self-loathing?
Kyle’s portrait of Jennavecia is all symbolic: messy colors and chaotic lines symbolize the “craziness” of her lifestyle. He is truly the Jackson Pollock of Tool victims.
Jordan’s self-portrait also had a lot of symbolism. Behind the hair and the faux-Christianity is a tiny Jordan operating the robot’s four buttons: Tan, Gym, Hair, Sex. It’s like Jersey Shore meets Meet Dave.
Angelo cries while showing off his self-portrait. Then he also beats his portrait up as he tells a story about growing up poor. I can’t tell if Angelo is also just telling Trina what she wants to hear. There’s just something cartoonish about his behavior.
So Dayna draws a cartoon Angelo crying.
Tommy’s portrait has a watch with the words “No real time, but blingin,” because he has an amazing watch that doesn’t work. Nothing on his rosary beads, though. Maybe it could say, “No real belief in the miraculous power of praying to our Most Blessed Virgin Mary, but blingin.”
Kate’s portrait has arrows that show what she wants to see more of from him. Though really it looks like it’s just pointing to sweat problem areas.
Still can’t get over how realistic Daniel’s self-portrait is.
This is society judging Daniel for not having a job or finishing school, which Daniel says is “so shallow.” Here’s another point where therapy feel-goodness and self-esteem building goes too far.
After the session is over, Angelo and Kevin get into a shouting match because Kevin thinks Angelo’s tears are fake. Tool Academy’s really trying to pack in the gender and sexuality issues this season, but they’ve yet to tackle the strange male habit of getting within makeout distance of a guy in order to intimidate him.
And now the challenge. The Tools and Victims have to sit behind a one-way mirror and watch a focus group who will see the interviews from Cancun…
…while Trina watches. Just to keep it straight: this is Trina watching the Tools watching a focus group watching the Tools.
And you are watching Trina. Mind=blown?
Tommy loses his cool after the focus group says his girlfriend should dump him. “I can’t handle this right now,” he says while storming out of the Academy. What a baby. If Dominos can take it, he can.
You know how when there are a bunch of dogs in a kennel, and if one gets really excited then they all start barking and howling, and you gotta go in there with a spray bottle and a ton of Pupperoni just to restore order? That’s what happens next. Tommy’s outburst sets off every other Tool.
Jacob gets mad at Kyle for talking to his girlfriend.
Then Daniel and Lesley start fighting over Lesley having a conversation with Kyle.
Jacob does his flexing thing, though it feels less intimidating now that I know how he sees himself. And that’s what matters the most.
Madness. Trina has to grab her elegant wrap and swoop in there.
Daniel tries to explain his argument: “I can’t turn a ho into a housewife.” No prizes for this challenge.
It’s elimination time. Why don’t we get to see the Tools decorating their uniforms? Then we could have seen Daniel add “PLUR” to the back of his jacket. This probably should have been written across his forehead backwards, because he forgets every rule of PLUR this week. Also, blaming society for judging you for not having a job (for seven years! Is this the fault of the last recession?), doesn’t impress Trina either.
Jordan gets his badge. Now it’s between Daniel and Jacob. Tommy is confused and surprised because they call Daniel’s name first, yet he doesn’t get the modesty badge. Never trust the order of elimination call-outs. They always try to trick you. That’s just a rule of reality TV. How else would American Idol be able to turn a five minute elimination into two hours of prime-time TV?
Instead of pleading with Lesley, Daniel tells her that he loves her but is not “in love” with her. I would argue that he is neither.
Daniel goes off into that good night, while Lesley takes the limo. It’s hard to think this of this ending as funny, because it’s hard to celebrate two parents breaking up. But at least Lesley has one less child to take care of.
Check out additional shots from this week’s Tool Academy.
– Jessica Suarez
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